ani

Negative, Positive, and Such
2005-01-25 @ 10:39 p.m.

A lot has happened since I last updated, but I can't remember most of it.
Most importantly, Alyssa Bouchey was killed last week. Fucking school district didn't have a delay even though the roads were absolutley awful. Of course none of the three girls in the car were to bright since the one driving didn't even have her permit, which is dangerous on a nice clear day, not to mention an icy one on a curvy road. I guess Nicky H. crashed into the same tree they did and totalled her car, but she was ok. Our class is just cursed. God hates us. At least we're getting into a routine with the emergency crisis counseling centers. Fourth time they've had them since I was a freshman. September 11, our first week of high school ever, when Chris was killed, when Jon brought in the gun, and now this.
I feel sort of bad about how my life keeps going on. But I know I can't really. That's sort of dumb. Though I am going to keep going on the negative notes first so I can finish up with the goods ones (hopefully) and leave this entry with a happy mood.
So the cast list for Peter Pan went up. I pretty much got chorus. Lost boy. Twin #1 actually. I really wanted Smee, and everyone said I was going to get it, but Keith got it. I don't think he'll do a very good job. I talked to Mr. Porter about it, and he didn't really give me a good reason for it. He said that they talked for a long time about me getting it, but eventually went the other way. He kept trying to make me feel better by saying things like "I know you would have done a good job with it if we had given it to you" but that just pissed me off more. If they knew I would do a good job, why not give it to me? It is, after all, my last year. I'm probably never going to do a play again. I know that it's awful, but my confidence in my performing ability is slowly being obliterated. I've been taking acting classes for 8 fucking years, and I still can't get anything beyong chorus. People tell me otherwise, but when it comes to what counts, the cast list, I never see anything other than "eh, you're ok, but not really all that good."
The last thing, things with my friends feel really weird lately. I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure if it's just me. But I don't like it. I want everything to be ok. I suppose this thing is inevitable. It happens every once in a while. But it only seems to happen when otherwise, things are going really well for me. I suppose it's just the give and take of the world. No person can be content with all aspects of their life at one time.
OK. Now for the positive.
I got some grades back on monday. I got 100 on my PIG project, and a 100 for this quarter. I got 96 last quarter, so my final average is 98. I also got a 100 on my Criminology final, and 101 in the class. That's all I know now though. I don't really expect to pass english. But all my other grades should be ok, so hopefully I'll at least make honor roll.
I had to work on sunday, but there was only one cart to put away, and I was there for four hours, but Nick Barranca and Kelly Griffin and some of their friends were there "studying" so I hung out with them. Then for the last hour, I read Cosmo. I like that I got paid for all that....
I had the AP Euro midterm today. I have no idea how I did. I like how you don't need any real outside information for the DBQ. The one today was on festivals and rituals of traditional Europe. Whatever. I used all the documents at least. After, I went to the library which is where a lot of the friend awkwardness occured, so I left and went to Borders. I picked up the new ani difranco CD. I'm a little disappointed because there isn't really anything new or different about this one, but classic ani is good enough for me, so I'm happy. I also bought the music for Wicked. I just wish I could play the piano and/or sing well. It would make things a lot more fun.
After that, I picked up some food at Bruegers where the guy called me a lesbian, effectivley, and I returned to the library. I read the book for the next book group. It took me fourty-five minutes, and I'm a slow reader. It wasn't very good, but I'll save my thoughts for Feb. 11. Nick and Kelly and some more people were there again and I talked to them a little. I felt old though, and slightly annoying. The problem is that I am very clingy and expect way too much attention and love from people who probably don't really give a crap.
Oh well. Such is life.